


The Family We Choose

by ohmarqueliot



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Found Family, Gen, Post S3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-13
Updated: 2018-11-13
Packaged: 2019-08-23 03:21:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16610927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohmarqueliot/pseuds/ohmarqueliot
Summary: It turns out that being Acting High King can be lonely when most of the people you've come to rely on are missing. Fen reaches out to someone who could use a friend as much as she does.





	The Family We Choose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [High King Fen (HighKingFen)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HighKingFen/gifts).



Considering the tavern before her, Fen adjusted the way her cloak sat on her shoulders so that it better hid her dress. She'd chosen clothes in a simple cut, avoiding sequins and gems and elaborate embroidery, but anyone who knew what to look for would notice the fine weave of the material, the practically invisible stitching, the perfect way it was tailored to her.

Her neck was bare, her fingers unadorned but for her wedding ring, and her crown was safe in the locked box where it stayed while she slept.

It wasn't that she was afraid of thieves, not this close to Whitespire and not with the pair of guards that she hadn't been able to shake. Fen didn't want to draw attention to herself. She wasn't the High King, not here.

She didn't have long - the meetings with advisors and delegates were endless, and she was supposed to be meeting with one of her councillors over a late lunch - but she'd made time for this. The more weeks that had passed, the stronger the urge grew in her, until she couldn't remember why she was avoiding it in the first place. So this morning, she'd cleared herself a few hours, ignored her guard's protests at the reduced detail she was taking with her, and left the castle.

Turning her back on the inn, she met Lenna's eye evenly. She'd gotten to know the head of her guard quite well over the past few weeks, and she knew better than to suggest both the guards stay outside so she could enter alone. “This is… delicate,” she said carefully. She didn't want to make it a bigger deal than it was, but it was such a big deal for  _ her _ and she couldn't bear the thought of it going badly. “I know you won't stay outside, but if you could give me some space…?” She trailed off hopefully.

She could have just ordered it. Eliot would have just told them what he wanted and not accepted any other option, but she didn't have the heart to be so firm with someone who she respected so highly, not when they just wanted to do their job. She smiled in relief when Lenna agreed. Giving her horse - a beautiful mare named Meadow - a goodbye pat, she walked across the small clearing and through the door to the tavern.

It was early for both lunch and drinking, so she wasn't surprised to see the tavern almost empty. A man sat alone in a booth along the wall, and a couple around a small table by the window, talking to a large bear. Humbledrum, she assumed, although she wasn't quite sure whether he looked any different from any other brown bear. Lenna settled in at a table by the door, positioning herself so she could keep most of the room in sight at the same time.

Fen took all of that in and then discarded it, her mind completely focused on the girl behind the bar. Fray was wiping down the bar with a rag, the corner of her mouth turned up in what could almost be called a smile. She wasn't sure whether she'd lost some of the haughtiness that she'd constantly exuded or whether it was just because she'd caught her in a quiet moment, but she hoped that smile meant she was happy.

Fighting against the nervous ball in her gut, Fen approached the bar, smiling cautiously when Fray glanced up at her. She felt a pang of sadness at the abrupt way that Fray’s shoulders straightened and her chin lifted, her face going carefully blank. Pushing down the hurt she felt that Fray still felt the need to hide behind a mask of indifference, Fen slipped onto the stool closest to her, adjusting her cloak around her skirts as she did so. “Hi,” she said, and wondered if the false cheer in her voice was enough to hide her nerves.

Fray watched her for a few seconds, and she would have given anything to be able to read something from her expression. “Hello,” she said eventually. “Do you want a drink?”

Fen blinked at her in surprise, and then remembered that that’s what most people did when they went to a tavern. “Thank you. Ah - wine?” The ale here was a little too bitter for her tastes, and while the wine was nothing of the standard that they kept at the castle, it was far better the stuff she’d grown up on.

Without a word, Fray took a goblet and filled it from one of the brown bottles on the counter behind her. She hesitated before setting the goblet in front of her, and Fen thought she caught a twinge of discomfort in her eyes. Afraid of the awkward silence that threatened to stretch between them, she jumped on the first thought that came to her mind. “So how’s things with your…” boyfriend? Bearfriend? “With Humbledrum?” she settled on, feeling just as awkward as she was trying not to seem.

She followed Fray’s gaze to look at the bear on the other side of the room. He leaned forward as he spoke to the couple opposite him and the table practically disappeared underneath his body.

When she turned back to the bar, she caught an affectionate smile on Fray’s face before she realised that she was looking at her again, and her eyes frosted over once more. “You don’t have to pretend to care.”

“I do care.” Fen tried not to let her icy tone bother her. It wasn’t personal, and she knew that, but she wished with everything that she had that she would feel comfortable with her. She didn’t expect her to open up and gush about her thoughts and feelings, but she hoped that she would feel safe enough around her to be herself.

Maybe she didn’t know who that was, after living under the Fairies guidance for her whole life.

“And you don’t have to keep visiting me,” she continued stiffly. “I don’t expect you to keep being my mother.”

The usual conflicting emotions that she felt whenever she thought about the truth of Fray’s situation flooded through her, and she took a large mouthful of wine to buy herself a moment. The pain of what had happened to her child had never lessened, and it combined with the real affection that she had for the girl who she had believed was her daughter for months to create a swirl of feelings that often made her feel ill if she investigated them too intently.

Dropping her gaze to the bar between them, Fen fiddled with the stem of her goblet. “I know I’m not your mother,” she said quietly. “I wanted to see you anyway. If that’s all right.”

Fray restoppered the bottle and set it on the counter behind her, and then linked her fingers in front of her. “Running the kingdom can’t be as hard as… Eliot made it seem if you have time to spare.”

She considered pushing the point that she clearly still considered Eliot to be a father figure if she was tripping over his name, but thought better of it. She knew that making her defensive was the wrong way to go about this. Opening up to her might not prove any better, but she didn’t have it in her to be anything but honest. Choosing to get straight to the point, she ignored the slight, pushing aside the wine and raising her eyes to look at Fray squarely.

“I miss Eliot,” she said simply, and Fray’s eyebrows lifted slightly in the change of topic. “I miss Margo.” Her relationship with the new High King had become strained after her deal with the Fairies had been revealed, but she'd done nothing except fight for her since then and she'd been surprised by the strength of the friendship they'd formed. She missed Julia, too - she felt so much admiration for the woman who had fought so hard for the Fairies just because it was the right thing to do. Somehow, she'd accumulated all of these people who really mattered to her, and now they were all gone. Except one. Except Fray. “Do you realise how lonely it is, being High King when everyone who’s supported you for the last few years is missing?”

Her throat tightened, and she tried to not think about just how long it had been since they’d left on their journey to turn magic back on. What had been supposed to take only days had turned into months, and the ball of dread in her stomach was ever present. She knew that they hadn’t succeeded - not properly, anyway. Magic was back, but it was even more sporadic than it had been when Ember had tainted the wellspring. She wouldn’t let herself consider what that might mean for Eliot and Margo. The people were anxious for their rulers, but more than that, she was afraid for her family.

She couldn’t do anything to help them aside from keep Fillory safe while they were gone, but she was tired of feeling alone in their absence, and knew that Fray felt alone, too. She wanted to reach across the bar and take her hands in hers, but there was too much space between them, literally and metaphorically. “Maybe we can try and be friends,” she suggested, hoping she didn’t sound nearly as desperate for it as she felt.

Fray looked at her skeptically, as though she’d suggested something that seemed completely outside the realm of possibility. “Friends?”

“If that’s something you’d want. It’s hard for me to get out of the castle like this very often, but you’re welcome to come and visit any time you’d like, or - or stay there if you want. You’re always welcome, and it’s not like we don’t have the space.” Even with the other members of the household and the staff in the castle, it felt empty and too large without Eliot and Margo’s exuberant presence. Fen smiled hopefully. “Family isn’t always blood. Sometimes, the strongest family are the people you choose to love. Eliot and Margo taught me that.”

She felt awkward about her use of the word love, considering Fray’s constant standoffishness, but she couldn’t take it back. And didn’t want to, she realised. Fray needed love as much as anyone else, human or fairy or otherwise, and she would give her all of it if she would let her.

The silence stretched out between them once more, and Fen wished again that she could tell what she was thinking. Fray’s brow was furrowed and her eyes held hers steadily, almost as though she were challenging her to - to what? Back down? Walk away? She wouldn’t do it. Eventually, Fray’s chin lifted slightly, her face smoothing out. “I probably can’t stay very often,” she said indifferently. “Humbledrum wouldn’t like being enclosed in the castle very much. But… but maybe I could visit. Sometimes. If you wanted me to.”

Relief flooded through Fen, and she smiled warmly. She hadn’t thought that it would be so easy. “I’d really like that.” Fray’s cold mask slipped just a little, and she was rewarded with a hint of a smile. It was more than she’d expected.

It was a promising place to start.


End file.
